A Lesson in Shoplifting
by faburizu
Summary: Bakura's lesson of the day is Shoplifting 101. Ryou is reluctant to learn.


**A Lesson in Shoplifting**

---/---

"Did you pay for that?" asked Ryou with a disgusted tone.

"Announce it to the entire city, why don't you," hissed Bakura in a hushed whisper.

"That's the third time this week."

"That you _know_ of."

Ryou sighed. "One of these days you're going to get caught."

"Why, that's the most asinine thing I've ever heard."

"_You're_ the most asinine - this is a pointless argument."

"You're just cross because you waste all your money on_ buying_ things."

"Bakura, that's because it's the law."

"Oh, you wouldn't be able to shoplift even if your life depended on it."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It _means_ you don't have it in you. You've spent your entire life living inside the lines, in your own little bubble of prim and propriety. I find it difficult to believe we shared the same body at one point. We are _nothing_ alike."

"That's not true!" Ryou protested. "I could if I wanted to. And I don't."

"And why not?"

"Because I'm not interested in spending the rest of my life in jail, thank you very much."

"The rest of your life!" exclaimed Bakura, amused. "Ah, how _naïve_. The first offense is a small fine - if that. In fact, it's usually a mere warning. Knowing you, you'd flee the country and change your name," he added with a smirk.

"Would not," objected Ryou, a slight blush creeping up on his cheeks. He knew very well it was true.

Bakura sighed dramatically. "It's a shame really."

"Such a shame," Ryou echoed.

"You've such potential."

"Criminal potential, you mean."

"And you're incredibly _boring_."

"Am not."

"You only live once, my hikari! You should be honored; I am being so kind as to take you under my wing on this matter."

"That's actually humorous."

"Come on. Come with me back into the mall. I'll go over some tips and techniques. I'll show you some ropes, or whatever that foolish idiom is. Come on, it will be _fun_."

Ryou cringed at that word. Fun. _This_ was Bakura's idea of fun.

Bakura took Ryou's silence as an agreement and started back to the mall. Ryou, not in the mood to object, stayed within earshot of the other boy. His mind was set on his decision: he _wasn't_ going to steal. No matter what.

Bakura kept his voice low and began to explain. "You see, shoplifting is an art. Only the very skilled may master this delicate facility."

Ryou quickly became annoyed at Bakura's casual attitude. If it wasn't illegal, he would likely find it laughable.

"A few quick rules," Bakura continued. "The obvious, first: avoid security cameras and staff. It really isn't too difficult. Many people are fools. That is why they get caught, you see." Bakura strolled through the aisles, casually running his fingers across the items stacked on the shelves. "Long sleeves are useful," he added. "As well as baggy clothes. You're a lost cause when it comes to that aspect," he said, pausing momentarily to observe Ryou's tautly-fitting attire. "Are you following any of this, hikari?"

"Mm-hmm," replied Ryou vaguely. He was listening but careful not to let the words sink in. He was vigilant not to express any interest whatsoever. It would only fuel Bakura's eccentric personality more, and that was the last thing he needed.

"Come come now. Have any criminal impulses yet? Anything catch your eye?"

"No. I've already told you. I'm not looking for anything. I've simply tagged along to humor you."

Bakura smirked. "I'm so sure." Next, they wandered into the candy aisle. "Feeling hungry?" Bakura grabbed a small bag of chocolates from a low shelf, level to where his hand hung loosely by his side. "Now you see them..." And then he slipped them into his sleeve, quickly returning his hand. "And now you don't!" He seemed quite happy with himself at this.

"Kleptomania is a serious disease that requires psychological attention," Ryou said calmly. He wasn't sure if he was joking or not.

"Oh, I wouldn't call it that."

"Why not?"

Bakura didn't have a witty answer for this. "Oh Ra," he sighed, annoyed. "You take _everything _far too seriously."

Ryou let out a puff of aggravation. He wasn't going to let Bakura get to him - he was stronger than that. Sure, he had a sweet tooth. He wanted some chocolate; but wouldn't he enjoy it better if he paid for it with some hard-earned money? He knew how it would haunt him. His conscious couldn't handle being a thief. Maybe Bakura was right, he thought. _Maybe I _am_ boring._

"Another tip," Bakura said with his mouth full.

Ryou's eyes widened. He smelled chocolate.

"Dispose of the evidence, if possible. Want one?"

"No!" Ryou said, feeling stupid that he even felt shock in the first place. Bakura was incredibly predictable.

"Well, you can't have one anyway. Finders keepers, you know."

"Are you almost finished?" asked Ryou, impatiently.

"With the chocolates? Oh no, no I have the entire bag left."

"Enough with the chocolates! I mean this. Being here. You obviously aren't going to buy anything nor am I."

"You really haven't learned a thing, have you?"

Bakura advanced further into the store. It seemed he had no intention of stopping anytime soon. Ryou began scanning the aisles. If I weren't boring, he mused, what would I buy? It seemed useless. Nothing he saw piqued his interest. He wasn't one for material items anyhow. His musing distracted him, causing him to stray from Bakura.

"Oh Ryou, I've found the perfect aisle for you," Bakura called out from a few aisles away.

Ryou dragged his feet and wandered over to the direction of Bakura's voice. He just hoped it wasn't the lingerie aisle again - and he was in luck. Surprisingly Bakura was right. It was the aisle just for him. Nearly a third of the left side was filled with tea bags of every kind. There were few things Ryou loved more than tea. It'd been a while since he had some. He was between jobs and couldn't afford the usual luxuries. Bakura had some money (but no job) and this made Ryou extremely wary of borrowing from him. With his luck, he'd borrow a stolen dollar bill and be tracked down (was it even possible for dollar bills to be tracked? Ryou wondered. Better safe than sorry.)

"No thank you," he said, with effort. "I'm not in the mood for tea."

"You have an atrocious poker face," Bakura commented. "Really. You give yourself away far too easily."

Ryou stayed a safe distance back from Bakura, his eyes glued on the boxes of tea. He picked up a box of peppermint tea - his favorite, it reminded him of his home in London - and carried it with him. He had _some_ pocket change. Maybe he could afford it after all. Holding the box of tea in one hand, he fished in his pocket for change. What he pulled out were a bunch of pennies and a couple of dimes. That could hardly buy a single tea bag.

Bakura glanced back at him. "Ah! I see you've found something. Don't hold it so out in the open like that. Have you learned nothing?"

Becoming angry, Ryou turned back. "I thought I had enough change to afford it and I don't. I'm putting it back!" he announced, proud of his self-control.

Bakura scoffed. Ryou couldn't even toss it aside in a random shelf, he thought sourly. He has to return it to _where_ he got it from. A lost cause.

By the time Ryou caught up with his yami, Bakura sighed. "Well, I guess that was that," he said. "At least I can say I tried." They were finally headed toward the exit.

"Wait a second... that's _it?_ No more pressure? You're letting me off the hook?"

He shrugged. "It can't be helped. Your willpower is much too strong for me to break."

Ryou was astounded. Had he actually overcome his yami? It was almost too good to be true. He couldn't wipe the grin off his face for anything. "I guess so!" he said, confidently. He was so proud of himself. He couldn't believe he'd actually considered shoplifting. It was all the work of Bakura and his manipulation, of course, only this time he'd managed to prevail.

Once they were out in the parking lot, Bakura fished in his pocket for the car keys and pressed a button to unlock the doors. "Oh, and hikari?"

"Yes?" asked Ryou sweetly, his voice as smug as could be.

"Check your pocket, will you?"

Ryou froze. _No._ Hesitantly he put his hand to his jacket pocket and felt a foreign object. A sharp corner of a box. His stomach dropped as he pulled out the stolen merchandise.

"'Kura, you bloody idiot!" Ryou cried, furiously throwing the box at his yami.

Bakura could no longer contain his laughter.


End file.
